Sunday, September 21, 2014

Turtle


Walking down the road one day I came upon a turtle.
He had nothing much to say but "Have you seen my girdle?"
"I removed it for this bath I took, and as sure as I do tell, I cannot squeeze without its help back into my shell."
So we searched along the muddy bank.
Looked in spots it might have sank.
Looked high and low from here to there.
But could not find his underwear.
My chubby friend began to cry.
"Without my shell I'm sure to die."
I dried his tears,
And calmed his fears.
Then told him straight,
"You must lose weight."
We worked throughout that next whole day.
Wasting all his weight away.
When we could not lose that belly.
I lubed him up with petroleum jelly.
Boy that plan sure worked out swell.
He slid right back into his shell.
We hugged, he was a grateful turtle,
That I helped him overcome this hurdle.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Give Me a Hug

"Give me a hug!"
I gave him a slug.
"Just a little squeeze?"
A kick in the knees.
"I love you."  he'd tell me everyday.
And I would say "Go away!"

Then one day he asked for a kiss.
I thought to myself "I'm good at this!"
Instead of punching, I smiled and said "Sure!"
He didn't know how my kisses were!
I puckered my lips, made sure they were wet,
Then slobbered on him the best kiss yet!

He stepped back from me with a look of disgrace.
He stuck out his tongue, and wrinkled his face.
He spit on the ground with moans and cries.
But I just stood there with stars in my eyes.

The next day I asked him for a hug.
But he just gave my arm a slug.
Then I asked for a little squeeze.
But he only kicked me in the knees.
Then I told him I loved him one day.
But he just told me to go away.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Someone needs to clean the fridge.

Mysteries living in my fridge.
Green stuff in my cheese's ridge.
Smelly stuff is over there,
Growing tufts that look like hair.
Sticky lakes of purple ooze.
Fuzzy puffs with pretty hues.
Gagged a bit and now am flustered,
If only I could find the mustard.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Waiting For Spring

I know this girl named Maudie Faye.
It was frosty outside but she went out to play.
She liked the cold weather and didn't mind a bit,
And she played by herself and never did quit.
She went to the swing because she loved it so much,
And started to swing and giggle and such.
Then she looked to the left and saw something blue,
It was the piece of gum she once did chew.
It was stuck on the pole since the summer before,
Right after chewing it for three months or more.
She wanted her gum back, and she wanted it fast!
She wanted to chew it like she had in the past.
She didn't want to take off her nice warm mitten,
She feared the result could be frost bitten.
Now the pole it was stuck on had been cold from the weather,
But poor little Maudie didn't know any better.
She opened her mouth, put her lips round the gum.
In her mind she was thinking, "Oh, Yum!"
She was oh, so happy to have such luck...
Until she discovered that her lips were stuck!
She tried very hard not to sneeze or cough,
In fear that her lips would then rip off.
She was stuck, alone, and starting to fret.
Then she remembered what she was trying to get.
She could suck on the gum until she was free,
And she wondered and wondered how long that would be.
So she sucked on the gum, t'was the only thing,
She was able to do 'til the pole thawed in Spring.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Thinking about Thinking

"Me and myself are at war,
I don't want to think anymore.
But to get rid of my thoughts I must think how to do it,
And by thinking I'm using my thoughts, Oh, I knew it.
Sometimes I really just think, then I blew it!
Then I ask myself this...
What are thoughts really used for?
They only make my head sore.
What do thoughts do but clutter your mind,
Some get in the way, some you can't find.
Forgetting is one thing I seem to remember.
Is today the fourth of July or September?
As long as I think on the good times I've had,
And learn from mistakes in the times that were sad.
Then thinking would not have to be such a chore,
And I would enjoy it and do it lots more.
"So use your thoughts wisely" she says with a wink, 
"And you'll really start to enjoy it...I think."

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Awake

Rooster crowing, coffees on.
Sunshine cracks the break of dawn.
Alarm goes off and I am up,
Pour the splendor in your cup.
Go ahead and have some more,
Maybe three, or maybe four.
My only job as your caretaker,
Because I am your coffee maker.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Twin Troubles

I'm sick and tired of being a twin,
My name's Lynda, hers is Lynn.
People say we look so sweet,
But it's not fun and it's not neat.
We always have to dress the same,
And people call her by my name.
My name's Lynda, hers is Lynn!
I'm sick and tired of being a twin!
She walks like me and talks like me too,
Her sneezes come three in a row like mine do.
When I get sick, so does she...
She has the same color eyes as me.
I got her present by mistake...
We have to share the same birthday cake.
Mom accidentally called me Lynn...
I'm so tired of being a twin.
If only she didn't act like me,
So much better things would be.
No matter what I try to do,
She comes along and does it too.
I was born first! Me! Not Lynn!
...or was I the second twin?
Know what? I'm really not sure.
Maybe it's me that acts like her.